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Psychoticninja's favorite FMLs
by took it / 02/09/2014 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
by nopissleft / 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML
by Rapunzel1974 / 09/01/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals
by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML
by ImNotFat / 08/07/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 4:19am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by Mia / 07/28/2013 at 2:18am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, the family I live with decided that beer is a more important purchase than the things we need, such as detergent, soap, and toilet paper, just to name a few things. Apparently, paper towels should suffice. FML
by alyssuhh526 / 07/17/2013 at 5:51pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML
by Auroraen / 06/27/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
- Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding… Today, I decided it would be sexy and spice up my marriage to give myself a Brazilian wax. Although… Today, while at my friends birthday party a girl that I have never met was taking low key pictures…