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ProfessorEatMe

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 3:00pm) | Search for a member

ProfessorEatMe

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 June 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 347
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ProfessorEatMe : Eh I'm Canadian, and my name is Matthew, I am a B-Level Welder, and known to be a real sarcastic Cunt.

-Dylgeah2074

ProfessorEatMe's page activity

Visits<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:14am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 5:12pm<b>pimp_named_mitch</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:51pm<b>Wheelman2178</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 2:42pm<b>Miss_Attitude96</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 12:07pm<b>jillytc</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 11:10am

ProfessorEatMe's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of ProfessorEatMe's badges

ProfessorEatMe's favorite FMLs

2day I mentiond on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending mah grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killd her 4 the inheritance, eh?" followd by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

#20851228
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45279) - you deserved it (5209)

On 08/23/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today I got mah girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me . As it was her first time I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning . She won quite handily . A little irritated at this I took off the handicaps an tried again . She beat me even faster . mega FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39736) - you deserved it (24127)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, my band informd ma that our gig this aftarnoon was actually a wadding !! Whosa wadding? My ax-wifa's, along with tha guy sha chaatd on ma with !! For thair first danca, I had to sing wat usd to ba our song !! FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76010) - you deserved it (4233)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, mah house will flood . FML

#20844207
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40320) - you deserved it (2486)

On 08/19/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by Ben - United States (Kentucky)

Today , I got fired from my job at an age care facility cuz I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf , blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." real FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48759) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today , I woke up to mah 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow!! I askd him wat he was doing , and he replid that he and Steve were playing a game , but Steve said I have to be asleep 4 it!! Steve is mah son's imaginary friend!! I'm convincd Steve wants to kill me!! FML

#20842823
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52239) - you deserved it (3133)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

I was aving dinner wit my boyfriend's family... and e was saying ow well is driving lessons r going. During tis conversation is mum told im to "stop blowing yur own trumpet." He replied... "If I could do tat... I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave im a ig-five. FML

#20836995
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66315) - you deserved it (8437)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claim to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A ( rare disease. ) His excuse for everyone rejecting him? ( Friend-zoning bitches. ) looool I was the last resort even for a jackoff ( nice guy ) werewolf. mega FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37861) - you deserved it (3417)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Yesterday, I askd out a guy at work that I really like!! He just stard at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet!! No offense." FML

#20828908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51930) - you deserved it (4595)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't bieng enough of a cockbite, because he looked at mah junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics an totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45596) - you deserved it (3630)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was askd how much I thought was too much for a ( good hit of blow ). I must have stayd speechless for too long, cuz the guy's next words were, ( Yeah, you're not cut out for this. ) I'm shockd an baffld too. FML

#20825212
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39877) - you deserved it (3887)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was vidao chatting with mah boyfriand an his friands!! Whan I stood up, ha told his friand "Saa, sha's not a twig!" I looool jokingly rapliad with, "So I'm fat?" Aftar a faw sacond of silanca, his friand yallad, "It's a trap!" an laft tha chat!! FML

#20825004
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44054) - you deserved it (13934)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I SPRAYED DOWN SOME ANTS IN MY HOUSE. IN THE SEA OF ANT CORPSE WAS A SINGLE LIVING ANT SEEMINGLY CRADLING A DEAD ONE IN ITS ARMS. I'M CONVINCED I JUST BECAME THE VILLAIN IN AN EPIC TRAGEDY. NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY ANT PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO TEAR ANOTHER FAMILY APART. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48111) - you deserved it (23138)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I draggd myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home an rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislike me so much, but I did as he said. He calld later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

#20823652
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50633) - you deserved it (3186)

On 08/06/2013 at 10:44am - work - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, ma usband and I arrivd in Barbados on vacation. We visitd a club, and tey ad a selection of drinks wit werd names. My usband orderd one calld te Raging Bitc, flickd is finger towards me, and said to te barkeeper, ( Migt as well get someting I'm usd to. ) FML

#20820272
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (10376)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)



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