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ProfessorEatMe

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 3:00pm) | Search for a member

ProfessorEatMe

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 June 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 268
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About ProfessorEatMe : Eh I'm Canadian, and my name is Matthew, I am a B-Level Welder, and known to be a real sarcastic Cunt.

-Dylgeah2074

ProfessorEatMe's page activity

Visits<b>BBlah</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:14am<b>krupa1017</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 5:12pm<b>pimp_named_mitch</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:51pm<b>Wheelman2178</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 2:42pm<b>Miss_Attitude96</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 12:07pm<b>jillytc</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 11:10am

ProfessorEatMe's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of ProfessorEatMe's badges

ProfessorEatMe's favorite FMLs

Today, I mentioned on Facebook that I'll be out of town over the weekend, because I am attending my grandmother's funeral. I soon got comments saying "Pics or it didn't happen" and "Killed her for the inheritance, eh?" followed by a solitary "LOLLL". FML

#20851228
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43625) - you deserved it (5044)

On 08/23/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39662) - you deserved it (23630)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75795) - you deserved it (4228)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

#20844207
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40206) - you deserved it (2482)

On 08/19/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by Ben - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48648) - you deserved it (2706)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52135) - you deserved it (3121)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

#20836995
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63672) - you deserved it (8107)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37041) - you deserved it (3325)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

#20828908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50849) - you deserved it (4504)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:54am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45498) - you deserved it (3627)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39427) - you deserved it (3849)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43942) - you deserved it (13909)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48002) - you deserved it (23087)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

#20823652
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50517) - you deserved it (3174)

On 08/06/2013 at 10:44am - work - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

#20820272
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44424) - you deserved it (10218)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)



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