Primus

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Primus

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 January 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2908
  • Number of comments : 338
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Primus's page activity

Visits<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 6:10pm<b>CthulhuSciences</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 3:05pm<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 10:20pm<b>OinkersPig</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 7:07am<b>sodapoppin</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 1:59am<b>yourlifesucks147</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 10:35pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 9:59pm<b>Allornone</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 1:15am<b>Brumbler</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 1:07pm<b>frnk</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 6:17pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:40pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 2:45pm<b>ThePotatoPancake</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 9:53am<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 12:24am<b>gms0113</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 8:44pm<b>jade_midori</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 6:03pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 8:42pm<b>poiuipop</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 9:11am

Fucked!<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 3:59am<b>ThePotatoPancake</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 3:53pm<b>Accurate_Vision</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 4:14am<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 9:03pm

Primus's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Primus's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

by Th3BaconNinja / 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

by Garrett / 10/01/2009 at 1:58am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

by Tim / 06/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

by BW / 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

by madfather / 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy