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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Poky

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Poky
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 12296
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Poky's favorite FMLs

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

#7493708 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (19077) - you deserved it (3699)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:11am - kids - by jazz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (38500) - you deserved it (2780)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167950) - you deserved it (51055)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (122360) - you deserved it (22233)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (129951) - you deserved it (18455)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362964) - you deserved it (401284)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (296663) - you deserved it (22883)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

#179032 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (13039) - you deserved it (34264)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by legit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669 (322)

I agree, your life sucks (95907) - you deserved it (16561)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

#4243 (27)

I agree, your life sucks (19651) - you deserved it (1241)

On 01/31/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by toosmall - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

#2729 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (34603) - you deserved it (1341)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

#292 (42)

I agree, your life sucks (24278) - you deserved it (1035)

On 11/12/2008 at 10:57pm - work - by 911 - Sent from mobile version