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Plastinate's favorite FMLs

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25620) - you deserved it (5085)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10078) - you deserved it (35077)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you deserved it (9220)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML


I agree, your life sucks (30889) - you deserved it (2302)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34698) - you deserved it (10759)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML


I agree, your life sucks (28038) - you deserved it (3175)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29303) - you deserved it (2568)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:49am - misc - by ToiletRoll - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40135) - you deserved it (5998)

On 02/14/2015 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by jessybear777 - United States (Missouri)

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (2758)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:13pm - health - by Why's it so cold in here? - United States

Today, I was stuck in the elevator at my building, so I pushed the emergency button which made a ringing noise. After half an hour, I hear someone yelling to the elevator, "Could you stop pushing that button, there are kids sleeping." FML


I agree, your life sucks (34365) - you deserved it (2458)

On 10/31/2014 at 9:26pm - misc - by Virginy - France

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42134) - you deserved it (4005)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44915) - you deserved it (5870)

On 01/15/2014 at 2:22pm - misc - by coop42 - United States (Wisconsin)

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  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

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