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Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64217) - you totally deserved it (37560)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46014) - you totally deserved it (1773)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you totally deserved it (4736)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Mikey (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50668) - you totally deserved it (13023)
On 04/20/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59108) - you totally deserved it (1537)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16695) - you totally deserved it (249846)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66637) - you totally deserved it (17757)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my son looked out of the window and said "what's that piece of shit doing on our driveway?" It was the new car we were trying to surprise him with on his 16th birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91885) - you totally deserved it (14416)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:07am - kids - by underappreciated (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62134) - you totally deserved it (2976)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by uncomfortable (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220629) - you totally deserved it (244459)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57888) - you totally deserved it (4725)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21105) - you totally deserved it (56885)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (353447) - you totally deserved it (15275)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (385477) - you totally deserved it (67584)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "the next person who talks gets a note to take home".... one kid looks right at me and goes "meeow". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9030) - you totally deserved it (3046)
On 01/09/2009 at 3:54am - kids - by Liz - France (Ile-de-France)
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