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Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45856) - you deserved it (8352)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:27pm - love - by Invisible (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)
Today, me and my girlfriend were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint? She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12 inch ham sub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50071) - you deserved it (3061)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:37am - love - by Richie (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7927) - you deserved it (53276)
On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you deserved it (16292)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (67667)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6656) - you deserved it (49327)
On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by OuttaNowhere81 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17170) - you deserved it (43476)
On 05/13/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57585) - you deserved it (3922)
On 05/13/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by pooped (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71322) - you deserved it (3219)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67383) - you deserved it (17981)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112423) - you deserved it (9397)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (94044) - you deserved it (3724)
On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)
Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55580) - you deserved it (4410)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (19075) - you deserved it (74772)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45730) - you deserved it (3709)
On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Monday 20 May 2013
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