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Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45161) - you deserved it (18503)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35890) - you deserved it (6585)
On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29875) - you deserved it (2861)
On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44656) - you deserved it (5213)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38811) - you deserved it (4148)
On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38136) - you deserved it (8657)
On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29738) - you deserved it (5480)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34743) - you deserved it (5492)
On 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by LadySteveMartin (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52708) - you deserved it (4235)
On 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by madiison09 - United States
Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23926) - you deserved it (1765)
On 03/27/2013 at 2:47am - misc - by Imafishyfishy (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26921) - you deserved it (2195)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21223) - you deserved it (1883)
On 03/26/2013 at 5:17pm - animals - by whykarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25311) - you deserved it (2396)
On 03/26/2013 at 10:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20424) - you deserved it (6454)
On 03/25/2013 at 1:04am - animals - by brittyed (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30808) - you deserved it (3329)
On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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