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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Phil594

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Phil594
  • Town/Country : New Jersey, U.S.A.
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3195
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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Phil594's favorite FMLs

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (32107) - you deserved it (3158)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768 (346)

I agree, your life sucks (10490) - you deserved it (34258)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

#12694516 (209)

I agree, your life sucks (23713) - you deserved it (15514)

On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453 (329)

I agree, your life sucks (5611) - you deserved it (47964)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

#12679955 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (37251) - you deserved it (4173)

On 08/22/2010 at 8:14am - intimacy - by shawty - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I paid for my shopping at a self paying checkout. I had a lot of shopping and there was a big line. When I scanned my last item, the machine read out, "EXTRA SMALL LUBRICATED DUREX CONDOMS." FML

#12679299 (229)

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (16289)

On 08/22/2010 at 5:37am - intimacy - by YogiBear - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (33332) - you deserved it (9129)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML

#12674562 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (22695) - you deserved it (3851)

On 08/22/2010 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ananomus - United States (Ohio)

Today, my step-mom informed me that she and my dad will not be attending my wedding because they will be at a NASCAR race. FML

#12663979 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (33574) - you deserved it (2290)

On 08/21/2010 at 1:25pm - misc - by puppielover - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my own butt. FML

#12657778 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (13669) - you deserved it (20321)

On 08/21/2010 at 2:09am - health - by clitorasaurus (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

#12535348 (307)

I agree, your life sucks (11612) - you deserved it (24631)

On 08/15/2010 at 5:47am - work - by jacko (man) - Reserved

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (5322) - you deserved it (25664)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

#12530276 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (36198) - you deserved it (3164)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:12am - animals - by goodbye-college (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

#12528127 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (27904) - you deserved it (2731)

On 08/14/2010 at 10:25pm - misc - by carless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840 (432)

I agree, your life sucks (22753) - you deserved it (24136)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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