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PeytonKaulitz

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PeytonKaulitz
  • Town/Country : Rancho Santa Margarita, California
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 3 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 4478
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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PeytonKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

#13614950
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24349) - you deserved it (2219)

On 10/27/2010 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by nothingdoes (woman) - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

#13527563
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22069) - you deserved it (2258)

On 10/20/2010 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10239) - you deserved it (33480)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35917) - you deserved it (7752)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

#13455190
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27860) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/15/2010 at 2:00am - misc - by racist - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

#13450247
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20174) - you deserved it (8044)

On 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26063) - you deserved it (2750)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32664) - you deserved it (19790)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

#13403987
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (8264)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

#13394312
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20871) - you deserved it (7433)

On 10/10/2010 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Dilly - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

#13376999
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13696) - you deserved it (22403)

On 10/09/2010 at 10:36am - love - by Kiimmy (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

#13375459
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26154) - you deserved it (6151)

On 10/09/2010 at 5:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

#13374619
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30971) - you deserved it (7875)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

#13373695
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (8523)

On 10/09/2010 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

#13363773
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22336) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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