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PenguinBitch

Offline (the 09/12/2014 at 7:50am) | Search for a member

PenguinBitch

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7582
  • Number of comments : 884
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch :

Happy Fml'ing!

PenguinBitch's page activity

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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (231873) - you deserved it (81175)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

#55493
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9275) - you deserved it (61122)

On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

#2635
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41097) - you deserved it (9803)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)

Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML

#2285
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (4364)

On 01/23/2009 at 5:45am - misc - by ohn0es - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

#2281
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (10781)

On 01/23/2009 at 3:36am - intimacy - by fecurtis - United States (Virginia)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59005) - you deserved it (7807)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

#2248
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46862) - you deserved it (8753)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

#2244
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7384) - you deserved it (26102)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:22pm - misc - by william - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

#722
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14662) - you deserved it (7919)

On 01/07/2009 at 12:53am - misc - by maaaryy - Sent from mobile version

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

#351
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40840) - you deserved it (15333)

On 11/20/2008 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Tinker-Bell - Sent from mobile version

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

#325
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22478) - you deserved it (21497)

On 11/18/2008 at 1:42am - animals - by AgathedeBlouse - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

#257
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49386) - you deserved it (4468)

On 11/09/2008 at 2:43am - intimacy - by Enko - Sent from mobile version

Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having it off. FML

#249
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (8821)

On 11/07/2008 at 8:07pm - misc - by Hth - United States (Delaware)

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17934) - you deserved it (131421)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version



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