Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

17Liked!

PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9476
  • Number of comments : 1000
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Omg 1000+ comments. No badge? :/

Anyway, I want to thank myself for stumbling upon this site and also for giving a fuck and yeah.

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Futacy</b> - 8 hours ago<b>connorgrant98</b> - 13 hours ago<b>AHzulu</b> - 22 hours ago<b>thewalid</b> - 24 hours ago<b>sophiehelen</b> - yesterday at 6:14am<b>AlaskanG</b> - yesterday at 4:55am<b>packrat</b> - yesterday at 3:38am<b>yerawizardlizzy</b> - yesterday at 12:58am<b>MidnaLink</b> - yesterday at 10:20pm<b>teentee401</b> - yesterday at 9:53pm<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 12:36am<b>YAAAAAAYYYYYY</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 3:04am<b>NicoNicoSamaChan</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 10:43pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:55pm<b>skylercoombs</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:28am<b>wowwzaa</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 12:22am<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 9:15pm

Liked!<b>sophiehelen</b> - 20 hours ago<b>JoshArson</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 12:01pm<b>TheCitizens96</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 6:19am<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 7:25pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:23pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 1:14am<b>TheChelseaSays</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>anonymous61203</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>poopnpoop</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:12pm<b>georgiapeachh</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:08am<b>ImAFaker</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 10:31pm<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 4:22pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 8:49pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:15am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>BBlah</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:29pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

#400930
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (201551) - you deserved it (16864)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:41pm - animals - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24622) - you deserved it (87734)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

#247252
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54934) - you deserved it (11705)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:53pm - kids - by monty (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

#245096
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46817) - you deserved it (37652)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:00pm - work - by Ricky (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

#245062
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63637) - you deserved it (19591)

On 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm - misc - by poop - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

#240683
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45495) - you deserved it (9369)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8742) - you deserved it (80129)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

#238492
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (53992)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by GrLifeusx (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

#236958
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20426) - you deserved it (68979)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by vibratorgirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

#234874
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56209) - you deserved it (8947)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by bu09 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

#233372
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64501) - you deserved it (16267)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by astroloser (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

#232857
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23794) - you deserved it (151056)

On 03/07/2009 at 7:03am - intimacy - by Mulee (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (483616) - you deserved it (46047)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (235277) - you deserved it (31116)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

#194587
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73195) - you deserved it (20583)

On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: