Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

14Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8785
  • Number of comments : 967
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Happy Fml'ing!

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>shanekicksass</b> - one hour ago<b>Nexpecto</b> - 5 hours ago<b>rachelnicole543</b> - 8 hours ago<b>vintageart1994</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Ryiah</b> - 12 hours ago<b>CommanderColton</b> - 14 hours ago<b>DiJsLifeStyle</b> - 14 hours ago<b>dzhonatan</b> - 14 hours ago<b>assh0l3</b> - 15 hours ago<b>livelikely</b> - 23 hours ago<b>limealicious</b> - yesterday at 12:32am<b>JayDay_123</b> - yesterday at 10:25pm<b>Wizardo</b> - yesterday at 6:42pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - yesterday at 6:05pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - yesterday at 5:43pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 5:04pm<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 1:24pm<b>Miizuo</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 11:18am

Liked!<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 7:25pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:23pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 1:14am<b>TheChelseaSays</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>anonymous61203</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>poopnpoop</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:12pm<b>georgiapeachh</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:08am<b>ImAFaker</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 10:31pm<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 4:22pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 8:49pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:15am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>BBlah</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:29pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#17827987
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40639) - you deserved it (3264)

On 09/25/2011 at 6:26am - love - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

#17669700
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25934) - you deserved it (2994)

On 09/05/2011 at 11:03am - misc - by thefrightening1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

#17307885
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35300) - you deserved it (3569)

On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

#17092331
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38759) - you deserved it (2647)

On 07/13/2011 at 9:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

#16181302
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76970) - you deserved it (23632)

On 05/15/2011 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107922) - you deserved it (7603)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

#14677100
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36537) - you deserved it (13387)

On 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

#14211006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29309) - you deserved it (7999)

On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

#11511687
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29604) - you deserved it (4068)

On 06/28/2010 at 2:18am - misc - by Kim422 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22148) - you deserved it (3164)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

#6567661
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9862) - you deserved it (39761)

On 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by Fmyapp (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34990) - you deserved it (4481)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

#5386120
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42795) - you deserved it (5304)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:16am - love - by Imaginary girlfriend - Sent from mobile version

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

#5325654
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17759) - you deserved it (44625)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - animals - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)



Emily Chan's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Emily Chan's Illustrated FML
  • This week, we landed a spacecraft on a comet. Not FML, though. You've got to admit that the human brain is quite amazing when it comes to resources, creativity and inventing new ways to push things forward. On…

Friday 14 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: