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PenguinBitch

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PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8420
  • Number of comments : 937
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : HAPPY FML'ling!

PenguinBitch's page activity

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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107760) - you deserved it (7603)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

#14677100
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36108) - you deserved it (13269)

On 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

#14211006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (7869)

On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

#11511687
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29563) - you deserved it (4067)

On 06/28/2010 at 2:18am - misc - by Kim422 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22114) - you deserved it (3158)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

#6567661
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9853) - you deserved it (39718)

On 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by Fmyapp (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34952) - you deserved it (4477)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

#5386120
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42765) - you deserved it (5297)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:16am - love - by Imaginary girlfriend - Sent from mobile version

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

#5325654
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17745) - you deserved it (44590)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - animals - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

#5052603
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9090) - you deserved it (68667)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:23am - love - by tryfailtryget11 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (29963)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

#4738686
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9622) - you deserved it (40612)

On 08/22/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (6544)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27954) - you deserved it (64482)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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