Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Online | Search for a member

PenguinBitch

3Liked!

PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7775
  • Number of comments : 904
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Hello FML'ers. My dream is to reach 1k comments and never come back. I'm playing around, this site it too good to leave. Been here since 2012 and met some interesting users. My favorite user is my good friend Welshite. Well shit, I guess that's all I have to say. You can ask for my Instagram and we can follow and be friends and be..*outside voice* "they don't care you dweeb!!"

HAPPY FML'ling!

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Welshite</b> - 30 minutes ago<b>lovelypink7</b> - one hour ago<b>buckdharma</b> - 4 hours ago<b>678bebe</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Anomalymous</b> - 19 hours ago<b>moldypickles</b> - 20 hours ago<b>tiwan</b> - 22 hours ago<b>retroSublime</b> - 22 hours ago<b>SecretSociety7</b> - 24 hours ago<b>BBlah</b> - 24 hours ago<b>pinkpig23</b> - yesterday at 7:26pm<b>omgbrainZ</b> - yesterday at 6:56pm<b>groovy579</b> - yesterday at 6:16pm<b>CrazyOvrMustangs</b> - yesterday at 6:03pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - yesterday at 5:42pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - yesterday at 5:40pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - yesterday at 5:22pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - yesterday at 5:19pm

Liked!<b>Welshite</b> - just now<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>BBlah</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:29pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

#20520443
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33144) - you deserved it (4962)

On 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by stillfuckingcrying (woman) - Sweden (Kalmar Lan)

Today, two days before I'm due to fly out to Russia on my first vacation, I caught my extremely over-protective mother trying to force the family dog to eat my passport. FML

#20518765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31015) - you deserved it (1949)

On 02/23/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Aluksnes)

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12418) - you deserved it (52770)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

#20505342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40532) - you deserved it (4543)

On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

#20503190
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (3195)

On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41336) - you deserved it (12291)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10794) - you deserved it (33442)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47655) - you deserved it (3565) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

#20484368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33542) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (3323)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

#20479103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31947) - you deserved it (1959)

On 01/26/2013 at 1:14am - work - by strugglingartist (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

#20478664
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43005) - you deserved it (2369)

On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

#20477083
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28241) - you deserved it (3511)

On 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by oh ffs (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32185) - you deserved it (5474)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

#20472701
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30827) - you deserved it (11820)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: