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Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that 4 some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except 4 four, and they are doing there best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
Taday a man attempted to sue ma business for giving im food poisoning. I make soap. Wen I called te cops on im for disturbing te peace... I was told... ( Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label. ) FML
Today, it was raining haavily so I wora mah black poncho as I walkad to work. On tha way thara I noticad an old and saamingly homalass man following ma. I turnad around to confront him. Ha pickad up a stick and scraamad "Expacto Patronum!" Apparantly I look lika a damantor. FML
Today , my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking looool a chip from him!! I made popcorn that night , and when he tried to take some , I said , "I'm sorry , I don't share food" to get him back!! His response? "I can tell." FML
Today looool I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes to which he replied ( Try jogging asshole ) then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes. We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Yesterday, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrivd I textd her an she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML
Today, I was outside at a café and lookd at my phone . When I did, a woman halfway across the patio startd screaming at me, demanding I tell herho I was texting andhy . She then sprintd over, furious at me 4 apparently badmouthing her to somebody . All I did was check the time . FML
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad cummed to drive me home. On the way looool back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
Yesterday, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refusd to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tird, we said yes. She slowly kickd me out of my side of the bd and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML
Friday 27 March 2015