About PenguinBitch : Alderaan was the newest member of the United Federation of Planets. Unfortunately, the once stable black hole connecting Alderaan and the Federation, destabilized. The distress signal received from StarFleet was lost, leading to the destruction of Alderaan by the Galactic Empire.
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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. / 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML
by KingUrge / 04/26/2013 at 4:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
by sad guy / 04/26/2013 at 1:20am / United States / Love
by emma_waters23 / 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML
by goingtobeevicted / 04/25/2013 at 2:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Love
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
by thanks gramps / 04/19/2013 at 3:27am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 1:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by lamelifeguard / 04/19/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML
by thanks, my fellow americans / 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML
by some people's parents / 04/18/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Money
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…