Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

43Liked!

PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 November 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11945
  • Number of comments : 1069
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Good day

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>qwertsarecool122</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Ingalls9</b> - yesterday at 9:05pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - yesterday at 4:04pm<b>cookiethumper</b> - yesterday at 2:58pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 2:32am<b>wantmeasandwich</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:32am<b>zanoty</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 7:57pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 12:58pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:21am<b>bobdill</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 11:20pm<b>skylercoombs</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Doubtful_Judge</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 2:03am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 7:43pm<b>Paul19</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 11:12pm<b>sivadnahtanoj</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:43pm<b>Georgia951</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 6:15pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 7:49am<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:34am

Liked!<b>clairesucks</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 7:32am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 12:44am<b>MehNameIsJuan</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 4:58pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 7:14am<b>ollis</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:03am<b>zikangtng</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 6:47am<b>feven</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 12:45am<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 10:04pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 8:31pm<b>ThatllDoDonkey</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:28am<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 10:17pm<b>LeavenSilva</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 2:20am<b>gerardtheneko</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 9:17am<b>HyunnK</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 10:57pm<b>Azang7</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 1:32am<b>HighasaCloud</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 3:44am<b>colby6666</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 5:53pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

#20604138
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44139) - you deserved it (4138)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:07am - work - by lamelifeguard - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

#20602754
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42909) - you deserved it (12524)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by thanks, my fellow americans - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53552) - you deserved it (8658)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44966) - you deserved it (4470)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60821) - you deserved it (20282)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

#20586993
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38793) - you deserved it (17495)

On 04/12/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60000) - you deserved it (10773)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44687) - you deserved it (8402)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47490) - you deserved it (4891)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47830) - you deserved it (3289)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

#20579736
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32279) - you deserved it (2209)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:00pm - animals - by idontevenlikehamsters - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39600) - you deserved it (6090)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44812) - you deserved it (5370)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22623) - you deserved it (66237)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: