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PenguinBitch

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PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8449
  • Number of comments : 940
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : You're all nuts!
Happy FML'ling :)

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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32023) - you deserved it (3294)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31266) - you deserved it (5894)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

#20558472
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33809) - you deserved it (8791)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

#20556107
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48975) - you deserved it (3130)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37079) - you deserved it (3331)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37792) - you deserved it (19385)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36698) - you deserved it (9742)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48294) - you deserved it (14405)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

#20547346
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36578) - you deserved it (2574)

On 03/17/2013 at 7:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

#20539287
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49472) - you deserved it (24478)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41310) - you deserved it (3829)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

#20537793
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19386) - you deserved it (37056)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (2855)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29818) - you deserved it (3241)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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