Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

62Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 November 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13959
  • Number of comments : 1103
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Things I enjoy...
-I enjoy paddle boarding every Sunday
-I volunteer at an animal shelter during my free time
-I also partake in fencing and do my share with the community Jazz Club. The enormous lie I'm telling you still doesn't compare to the size of your mom's ass.

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Juicenub</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Wolfipoo</b> - yesterday at 8:15pm<b>karacakal2</b> - yesterday at 6:31pm<b>quazimozart</b> - yesterday at 6:10pm<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - yesterday at 3:43pm<b>mrjiggles1992</b> - yesterday at 1:30pm<b>terspal</b> - yesterday at 1:28pm<b>FuckFace10</b> - yesterday at 10:41am<b>raesos91</b> - yesterday at 8:13am<b>bunnylove483</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 10:00pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 2:14pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 11:31am<b>sam882</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 10:56am<b>2nd</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 7:04am<b>ihavenolifehaha</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 6:24am<b>prissysgirl16</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 11:47am<b>xWhymex123</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 5:44am<b>saffy66</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 3:23am

Fucked!<b>Juicenub</b> - 8 hours ago<b>karacakal2</b> - 21 hours ago<b>Wolfipoo</b> - yesterday at 6:51pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 8:14pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 2:50am<b>seetei</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 7:14am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:48pm<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:41am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 1:01am<b>interesting33</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:08pm<b>sarcasm_insanity</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:17am<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 6:47am<b>Drarry</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 4:17am<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:25am<b>allykaymorris</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 2:06am<b>skye147</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 12:03am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 12:57am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 8:43pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62419) - you deserved it (9242)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50172) - you deserved it (9611)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

#20792281
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41406) - you deserved it (3834)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50053) - you deserved it (24805)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

#20786569
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49509) - you deserved it (4147)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:00pm - love - by .__. (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58485) - you deserved it (8228)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44451) - you deserved it (32522) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53231) - you deserved it (3681)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

#20785565
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47293) - you deserved it (3156)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59842) - you deserved it (21087)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45239) - you deserved it (14901)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

#20779631
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64800) - you deserved it (5114)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43012) - you deserved it (5781)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, my husband and I threw a party with non-alcoholic wine. No one acted wasted, until in the last hour my grandmother started slurring her words and slumping. We thought she was joking, until a doctor at the party confirmed she was having a stroke. FML

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42995) - you deserved it (6472)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: