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Paulcs's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2015 at 11:37am / Croatia (Grad Zagreb) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by Jrex89 / 06/02/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
by zheiraT / 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (Maine) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by dadoftheyear / 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm / United States / Intimacy
by anonymousyo / 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 1:39pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Work
Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML
by Anonymus / 04/18/2015 at 3:01am / Sweden / Kids
by bigmouthedmommy / 04/13/2015 at 1:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML
by mademoiselle meurtre / 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:18am / United States (Indiana) / Work
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…