I'm a sarcastic girl who likes a good laugh!
Turning Hilary Duff into screamo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-YwoefQRhc&fmt=18
Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML
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On 11/02/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by notsohappyniece (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, in class, everyone read my Creative Writing submission. It was a touching story about the unconditional love that exists between dog and his owner. Everybody unanimously agreed that it was probably about bestiality. FML
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On 10/29/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Quirk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML
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On 10/03/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by juliasaman - United States (Washington)
Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38825) - you totally deserved it (1464)
On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
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On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML
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On 06/15/2009 at 1:42am - love - by gabe8 (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, I was cleaning out my fiance's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm - love - by vickyxanne (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML
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On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - kids - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
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On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML
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On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then proceeded to call out my own name by accident. FML
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On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
