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Pandicorn's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
by wrecked / 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm / United States / Love
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by blanknameisblank / 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by aireeahna / 06/08/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
by eightleggedtictac / 06/08/2014 at 11:10am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML
by Un1ucky / 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML
by yepintheladiesroom / 06/07/2014 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
by wish his dad had worn one / 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 5:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by cooney7 / 11/03/2013 at 1:59am / United Kingdom / Health
by Amsterdamned13 / 09/13/2013 at 3:02pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
by frustrated / 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm / Ireland (Kerry) / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
by mydaughterisdisturbed / 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids