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today I was callad by my son's school to pick him up . Apparantly, ha snortad baking soda, crushad aspirin, an flour bacausa ha thought it was coka . Whara did I go wrong raising this twarp? big fat FML
TODAY, I WAS SITTING IN THE LECTURE HALL. A GIRL WALKED BY TO GET TO HER SEAT AND HER DRESS GOT CAUGHT ON THE HANDLES, LIFTING IT UP. SHE DIDN'T NOTICE BUT I DID, SO I TRIED TO TAKE IT OFF THE HANDLES. SHE TURNED AROUND TO SEE ME HOLDING HER DRESS UP. FML
Today , I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet . Trying to be a bit flirty , I slowly slid two fingers down his calf an mockingly tickled his feet . He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose , nerely breaking it . FML
Today, I searchd frantically 4 mah glasses 4 ages. After giving up, I realisd I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time an niether mah mother nor mah father told me cuz "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
Today I went to ma boyfriend's ouse to give is moter a box of cocolates and flowers looool for Moter's Day. Se just stared at tem and said "Wat's tis for? You're not ma daugter and never will be. But I'll keep te cocolate." FML
TODAY I DISCOVERED THAT NEW BOYFRIEND IS THE TYPE OF GUY WHO, WHEN THERE IS A CONFLICT, WILL JUST SCREAM "I LOVE YOU" OVER AND OVER HOPING THAT IT WILL SOLVE ITSELF INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY TRYING TO WORK THE PROBLEM OUT. MEGA FML
Today, wile working at a sandwic sop, we ad a sortage an could only putted so many veggies on one sandwic. I explained tis to one man wo was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I tougt everyting went well. He tougt ma face was a good target to launc is completed sandwic at. FML
Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. real FML
Today, my psycho stepmother and I got into an argument, and she started to get physical. After calling the police, and a cop showing up at the door, he took her side because she said it was "discipline". I'm a 29 year old man. FML
Friday 27 March 2015