Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About PandaKitteh : Hey, I'm Panda ^-^
I love music. Of Montreal, Joy Division(RIP Ian Curtis), The Smiths/Morrissey, Beastie Boys(RIP MCA), The Sounds, The Postal Service, Queen, the YeahYeahYeahs, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Beatles, White Stripes, Arcade Fire, Bowie, and too many more.
I also love old school movies, haha :3
I'm a grammar nazi in training, I hate when people use incorrect grammar and when they spell things wrong >_> but I'm not the smartest person ever, so if I make a mistake please correct me :]
Au revoir! :D
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML
Friday 22 May 2015