Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About PaintedTempest : I'm a cowgirl. My name is Elizabeth. My user name is based on my paint horse, Tempest.
Message me if you like. I like to chat. :) P.S. I'm not a stalker. At least I don't think I am. O.O
I love horses. We have 6 on our farm and I own three. I rodeo...barrel race to be exact and competitive ranch sorting. I also pole bend. I sort, cut, and herd cows. I jump, but I've never rode an English saddle. I do all of this on one horse, Snip.
Fav song: Cheater Cheater
Fav artist: Josh Abbot Band
Fav food: Steak
Fav animal: Horse
Fav color: Purple
Fav movie: The Hunger Games
Fav soda: Sprite
Fav drink: Orange Juice
Fav sport: Equestrian.
So, do me a favor. Hug a tree, talk to a brick wall, push a door that says pull, kiss a cow, and many more crazy, stupid things. Basically, imitate me. :) Yes I know...I have issues but am well loved :) (don't do what I say. You might wind up hurt)
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML
Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
Friday 19 September 2014