Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About PaintedTempest : I'm a cowgirl. My name is Elizabeth. My user name is based on my paint horse, Tempest.
Message me if you like. I like to chat. :) P.S. I'm not a stalker. At least I don't think I am. O.O
I love horses. We have 6 on our farm and I own three. I rodeo...barrel race to be exact and competitive ranch sorting. I also pole bend. I sort, cut, and herd cows. I jump, but I've never rode an English saddle. I do all of this on one horse, Snip.
Fav song: Cheater Cheater
Fav artist: Josh Abbot Band
Fav food: Steak
Fav animal: Horse
Fav color: Purple
Fav movie: The Hunger Games
Fav soda: Sprite
Fav drink: Orange Juice
Fav sport: Equestrian.
So, do me a favor. Hug a tree, talk to a brick wall, push a door that says pull, kiss a cow, and many more crazy, stupid things. Basically, imitate me. :) Yes I know...I have issues but am well loved :) (don't do what I say. You might wind up hurt)
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML
Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML
Friday 26 September 2014