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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20368) - you deserved it (5003)
On 09/03/2010 at 4:30am - love - by lonleystoner91 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7522) - you deserved it (49141)
On 09/03/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by ohseven6421 - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend randomly asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18416) - you deserved it (8697)
On 08/27/2010 at 8:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26469) - you deserved it (3131)
On 08/24/2010 at 8:48pm - animals - by vstan (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23713) - you deserved it (15514)
On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24962) - you deserved it (12147)
On 08/18/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Photagrapher - Sent from mobile version
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28180) - you deserved it (1706)
On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12346) - you deserved it (29350)
On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18977) - you deserved it (25904)
On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States
Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29855) - you deserved it (7743)
On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she "likes my lips and wants to rape me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31010) - you deserved it (2683)
On 08/04/2010 at 3:58am - intimacy - by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen (man) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (2889)
On 08/03/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by Cheated (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19653) - you deserved it (35897)
On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (10944)
On 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21890) - you deserved it (49669)
On 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by anonomus - United States (Virginia)
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