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PHP's favorite FMLs
Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML
by Crushgonewrong / 06/22/2016 at 5:42pm / United States (California) / Work
by Coco / 04/19/2016 at 4:58pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous
Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML
by ThrewItOntheGrooooooound / 04/07/2016 at 5:48am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Miscellaneous
by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous
Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML
by Spraylady / 02/29/2016 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I bought a PS4 online for my boyfriend's birthday. I put it on our joint credit card through Paypal to keep it a surprise. The company decided to ruin that surprise when they called him to confirm the transaction. FML
by Sonata90 / 12/20/2015 at 1:36am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 6:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Transportation
by aj513 / 11/28/2015 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:28am / United States (California) / Love
by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I was called by my one night stand. She informed me she was pregnant with my child, i asked… Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista,… Today, while driving to work, I was wondering why the highway was so empty. Turned out, today is a…