Owlnight321

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Offline (the 07/03/2015 at 7:53pm)

Owlnight321

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 July 2000 (16 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12345
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Owlnight321 : Rawrz

Owlnight321's page activity

Visits<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 2:28pm<b>undere</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 6:09pm<b>ChelseaGrin112</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 10:02am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 3:49pm<b>dusthar</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:40pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 9:46pm<b>venomousddog</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 10:12am<b>5secondsofvvifi</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 1:21pm<b>Kirito_Kazuto</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 3:49pm<b>KaneHunter</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 11:40pm<b>TheGothGamerGirl</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 9:46pm<b>redheadedmonster</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 1:37am<b>squidgy1234</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 1:33pm<b>eschwab11</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 2:39am<b>maxface</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 4:58pm<b>TTT33</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 11:23am<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 4:26pm<b>icetube550</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 7:38pm

Owlnight321's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Owlnight321's badges

Owlnight321's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

by titsmcgee / 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

by beurk / 02/06/2015 at 12:18am / Miscellaneous

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! / 02/01/2015 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

by The Soul Of A Damned Queef / 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

by Orgasmataz / 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

by for shite's sake / 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Transportation

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

by Jenn / 08/16/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.