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Ouroboros

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Ouroboros
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4718
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Ouroboros's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22124) - you deserved it (36025)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40780) - you deserved it (6531)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40283) - you deserved it (132831)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (145982) - you deserved it (12666)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24249) - you deserved it (88190)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20386) - you deserved it (40376)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

#150971
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10773) - you deserved it (65783)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

#135942
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7423) - you deserved it (30995)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

#125305
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35386) - you deserved it (5263)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm - health - by Sheezey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15823) - you deserved it (43324)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136190) - you deserved it (11004)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64433) - you deserved it (2598)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

#86179
717 comments

I agree, your life sucks (736113) - you deserved it (73978)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

#82135
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46658) - you deserved it (7596)

On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

#35910
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you deserved it (32440)

On 02/13/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Kulcha (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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