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Ouroboros

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Ouroboros
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4706
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Ouroboros's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

#615927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12967) - you deserved it (56899)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

#552501
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94560) - you deserved it (6029)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by MID12 (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56003) - you deserved it (3764)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

#433084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71231) - you deserved it (13179)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54821) - you deserved it (8170)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77360) - you deserved it (6433)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

#318260
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24126) - you deserved it (58924)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by skc (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21820) - you deserved it (71781)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

#256186
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63972) - you deserved it (2935)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17601) - you deserved it (40684)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML

Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML

#229421
43 comments

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61708) - you deserved it (3432)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22174) - you deserved it (121772)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (218490) - you deserved it (28159)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)



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