Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Ouroboros

Search for a member

Ouroboros

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5370
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Ouroboros's page activity

Visits<b>katie55220</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 2:46am<b>idonotknow7</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 12:18am<b>Nusa1</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 4:02am<b>tetsuhiko</b> - the 04/23/2010 at 12:38am<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 04/07/2010 at 10:10am<b>wienerwagon</b> - the 03/29/2010 at 7:59pm<b>Memoohhh</b> - the 03/29/2010 at 4:02am<b>GinandJenkem</b> - the 03/27/2010 at 8:33pm<b>ZeroMachine</b> - the 03/27/2010 at 6:54pm<b>Sindyy</b> - the 03/25/2010 at 5:12am<b>angrynegro7</b> - the 03/18/2010 at 12:12am<b>wingedspiritus</b> - the 02/18/2010 at 6:59pm

Ouroboros's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Ouroboros's favorite FMLs

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59674) - you deserved it (4113)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

#433084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73253) - you deserved it (13610)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60550) - you deserved it (9748)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80892) - you deserved it (6857)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

#318260
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25329) - you deserved it (60351)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by skc (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23571) - you deserved it (74581)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

#256186
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67206) - you deserved it (3214)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18527) - you deserved it (42089)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML

Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML

#229421
43 comments

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64918) - you deserved it (3721)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24704) - you deserved it (128718)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (232698) - you deserved it (30948)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

#206263
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (41525)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43040) - you deserved it (6862)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: