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Ouroboros

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Ouroboros
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4710
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Ouroboros's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

#942403
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67635) - you deserved it (3864)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by LeftOut (man) - United States (California)

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

#891545
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15855) - you deserved it (50672)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

#867771
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65656) - you deserved it (4591)

On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065
663 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26378) - you deserved it (453436)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61337) - you deserved it (8834)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112679) - you deserved it (6691)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48201) - you deserved it (17425)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

#740938
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59922) - you deserved it (8881)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

#720551
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47684) - you deserved it (14642)

On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15826) - you deserved it (81110)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

#664071
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123619) - you deserved it (9413)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by Michaelichael (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

#662645
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25245) - you deserved it (74206)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

#659124
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44598) - you deserved it (9456)

On 03/28/2009 at 10:14am - kids - by justjust (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53011) - you deserved it (10876)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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