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Otium's favorite FMLs
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/17/2011 at 4:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by thedeerman / 09/17/2011 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ouch / 09/16/2011 at 1:21am / United States / Health
Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML
by Frenchgirl / 09/15/2011 at 9:42pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to fire an employee because she constantly calls in, or is late to work. She became very emotional and I felt kind of bad, so I walked her out myself. We then got stuck in the company elevator. FML
by thatsmejl / 09/15/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML
by jumpedjogger / 09/14/2011 at 4:34am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by I_dislike_Twilight / 09/08/2011 at 8:52am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by lolomg / 09/07/2011 at 9:22pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy
by AudraRose / 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm / United States / Health
Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML
by jag talar / 09/06/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…