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Otium's favorite FMLs
by FroggyGirl888 / 10/11/2011 at 11:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by letmedienow / 10/11/2011 at 1:43pm / United States / Health
Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML
by Anon / 10/10/2011 at 11:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 4:29am / Reserved / Health
Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
by DyingPlants / 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:20pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 4:35pm / United States / Work
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
by kansah / 10/06/2011 at 6:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Forever sad / 10/05/2011 at 8:55pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by dmanrique / 10/04/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Cristie / 09/30/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly… Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless… Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the…