Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Otium

Search for a member

Otium

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19077
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Otium : Stuff about me goes here.

Otium's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 12:06am<b>missalice0306</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 3:13am<b>pinklover24</b> - the 03/12/2011 at 4:40pm<b>CloudEnvy</b> - the 06/14/2010 at 3:50pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 05/19/2010 at 1:11pm<b>ha</b> - the 11/14/2009 at 11:32am<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 11/05/2009 at 11:30am<b>mommy2be2010</b> - the 11/05/2009 at 10:29am<b>PhantomxBrave</b> - the 09/27/2009 at 11:15pm<b>CodeMonkey123</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 10:08pm<b>shallowgrave</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 7:32am<b>username666</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 5:26pm<b>griffmojo</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 4:36pm<b>5PoPpIn6DrOpPiN</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 5:55am<b>assman266</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 12:02am<b>Enrunwen</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 5:40pm<b>dizy</b> - the 05/09/2009 at 3:28am<b>Hydralore</b> - the 04/20/2009 at 8:08pm

Otium's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Otium's favorite FMLs

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22670) - you deserved it (16782) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20275) - you deserved it (33622)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23437) - you deserved it (4274)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

#18023382
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39094) - you deserved it (4601)

On 10/19/2011 at 2:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32079) - you deserved it (6338)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

#18005415
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34535) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/17/2011 at 7:46am - health - by Cats...FML (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

#17995977
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26298) - you deserved it (2820)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while jogging in the park, I saw a man acting strange and trying to talk to 3 little girls. I jogged over to their mother and warned her about a 'weirdo' lurking around her daughters. Turns out that 'weirdo' is the woman's disabled brother. FML

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

#17989698
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39525) - you deserved it (2849)

On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44859) - you deserved it (5036)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

#17980865
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22062) - you deserved it (2162)

On 10/14/2011 at 5:35am - work - by scribbler8 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

#17980491
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28503) - you deserved it (2954)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

#17977094
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64048) - you deserved it (3199)

On 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm - love - by Good sister (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

#17973250
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (9129)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:19am - intimacy - by scewable (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

#17964830
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (5577)

On 10/12/2011 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ksamp - United States (Arkansas)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: