About Osmoses : I got nothing funny or important to say here so um.... How's life?
Osmoses's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
Osmoses's favorite FMLs
by BigBananaLover / 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML
by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML
by ohemgee23 / 02/19/2010 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Kids
by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
by spitballer1 / 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
by xero_art / 06/26/2009 at 5:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Money
by Slash / 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 9:12am / United States (Maine) / Kids
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by kas / 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by blaise / 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (New York) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…