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Orchard

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Orchard
  • Town/Country : unknown, Unknown
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 3388
  • Number of comments : 192
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

#11225858
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50553) - you deserved it (5536)

On 06/15/2010 at 9:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

#11198427
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17819) - you deserved it (24122)

On 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm - kids - by gibsonSG323 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

#11166958
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (3651)

On 06/13/2010 at 10:36am - misc - by Cat (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

#11164761
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30474) - you deserved it (2721)

On 06/13/2010 at 5:56am - animals - by spenmy - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

#11078150
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25386) - you deserved it (4659)

On 06/09/2010 at 11:13am - misc - by cheekymac - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

#11071289
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7897) - you deserved it (52160)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

#11047935
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35053) - you deserved it (2439)

On 06/08/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by highschoolgrad (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

#11045008
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33993) - you deserved it (4413)

On 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm - love - by Th3BaconNinja (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

#11028124
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36517) - you deserved it (6582)

On 06/07/2010 at 3:03am - love - by flipflop - United States (California)

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

#11010469
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (2805)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by duko3000 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

#10925593
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (1697)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:15pm - money - by dogshavenipples (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

#10837564
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24841) - you deserved it (2270)

On 05/29/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by hulagirl1217 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

#10832589
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22015) - you deserved it (2742)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:04am - health - by phonesnshit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

#10796974
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37331) - you deserved it (2762)

On 05/27/2010 at 10:06am - misc - by reginaphalange - Australia (New South Wales)



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