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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6521
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

#12949707
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31621) - you deserved it (3204)

On 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

#12933577
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9756) - you deserved it (33517)

On 09/06/2010 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by jackson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32747) - you deserved it (3178)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (4483)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

#12906050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26987) - you deserved it (8013)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by ow (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

#12898898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15452) - you deserved it (29234)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:02am - intimacy - by Lewis - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

#12897093
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30318) - you deserved it (3029)

On 09/04/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by Black Cat 13 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

#12887247
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (5477)

On 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by Fmylife.25 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

#12879183
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30618) - you deserved it (4514)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:35am - kids - by Devon - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

#12856829
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7218) - you deserved it (38779)

On 09/01/2010 at 5:01pm - misc - by samboob (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that Whoopi Goldberg was NOT Oprah Winfrey's stage name. I was then laughed at for ages by my co-workers. FML

#12848184
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6175) - you deserved it (50597)

On 09/01/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by MisterMisinformed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

#12842541
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (2816)

On 08/31/2010 at 7:13pm - misc - by NowHomeless (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

#12842003
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22221) - you deserved it (7988)

On 08/31/2010 at 6:33pm - misc - by nemi (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

#12837026
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38073) - you deserved it (7637)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:48am - love - by maebyf - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

#12834464
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42948) - you deserved it (2417)

On 08/31/2010 at 3:54am - misc - by missyoudad. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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