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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5853
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:46am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 1:24pm<b>solonglonesome</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:16pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:31am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>jrod9327</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:32pm<b>jazzmin1997</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:13pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Weemandarin</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 8:14pm<b>Black_Rose_14</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 10:31am<b>amberv61</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 3:35pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:11pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 2:23am<b>Saava</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 4:08pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41620) - you deserved it (12546)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45612) - you deserved it (14553)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

#12650265
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33743) - you deserved it (3876)

On 08/20/2010 at 7:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML

#12649118
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38231) - you deserved it (3034)

On 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm - animals - by therealducktape - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

#12621372
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56934) - you deserved it (4064)

On 08/19/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by divorced - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

#12617958
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36401) - you deserved it (6267)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

#12617808
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30436) - you deserved it (4783)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

#12583063
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32134) - you deserved it (3219)

On 08/17/2010 at 1:09pm - misc - by Bruce (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

#12577034
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36781) - you deserved it (4406)

On 08/17/2010 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

#12566492
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25059) - you deserved it (11876)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

#12531799
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7313) - you deserved it (36734)

On 08/15/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

#12524990
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36534) - you deserved it (2548)

On 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by incestastic - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

#12522582
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34112) - you deserved it (18536)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

#12483686
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4734) - you deserved it (49658)

On 08/12/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by fullmoonfml (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

#12448497
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33216) - you deserved it (4055)

On 08/11/2010 at 4:10am - health - by Jayswizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

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