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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5865
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:46am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 1:24pm<b>solonglonesome</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:16pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:31am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>jrod9327</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:32pm<b>jazzmin1997</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:13pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Weemandarin</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 8:14pm<b>Black_Rose_14</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 10:31am<b>amberv61</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 3:35pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:11pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 2:23am<b>Saava</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 4:08pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41198) - you deserved it (4654)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34231) - you deserved it (11834)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38120) - you deserved it (4308)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40906) - you deserved it (3614)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40425) - you deserved it (19432)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

#21086753
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37330) - you deserved it (32314)

On 03/14/2014 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by why - United States (California)

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

#21085066
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34408) - you deserved it (11726)

On 03/12/2014 at 6:23pm - work - by CurtisWogan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46088) - you deserved it (6766)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47855) - you deserved it (9534)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47855) - you deserved it (9534)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47855) - you deserved it (9534)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36846) - you deserved it (14705)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

#21075108
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36186) - you deserved it (14510)

On 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm - money - by SarahNB - United States (Utah)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35810) - you deserved it (2826)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML



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