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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 10099
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

#15606903
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (45623)

On 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by lovely321 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

#15582490
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50108) - you deserved it (5371)

On 03/31/2011 at 11:18pm - misc - by paige - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

#15542266
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7735) - you deserved it (46166)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46199) - you deserved it (15428)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33413) - you deserved it (4813)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55247) - you deserved it (27701)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

#15497521
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32155) - you deserved it (3220)

On 03/26/2011 at 11:41am - misc - by Sue (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
489 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (48709)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18234) - you deserved it (82903)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

#15287588
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11665) - you deserved it (37339)

On 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41747) - you deserved it (3351)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, an older man sat next to me while he ate his lunch. He dropped what I assumed was his cutlery. Wanting to help out, I picked it up off the floor. It was his teeth. FML

#15259296
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (4415)

On 03/10/2011 at 2:53am - misc - by jules - United States

Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML

#15250352
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46020) - you deserved it (4206)

On 03/09/2011 at 10:47am - kids - by Waffle -

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

#15228646
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10841) - you deserved it (36986)

On 03/07/2011 at 11:17am - misc - by thenotsomanlyman - United States

Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

#15215945
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31608) - you deserved it (3976)

On 03/06/2011 at 6:28am - money - by notsosmart - Australia (New South Wales)



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