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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5856
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

#14294990
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37486) - you deserved it (2466)

On 12/22/2010 at 4:50am - animals - by ks.swan13 -

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

#14294179
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (5811)

On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

#14294179
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (5811)

On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

#14294179
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (5811)

On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

#14282148
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20192) - you deserved it (37779)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

#14282049
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27341) - you deserved it (5998)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:25am - health - by qwaynick -

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

#14277581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30456) - you deserved it (7325)

On 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (3588)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

#14274889
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8558) - you deserved it (27062)

On 12/20/2010 at 5:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

#14272041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33508) - you deserved it (8892)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

#14265623
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12108) - you deserved it (20571)

On 12/19/2010 at 10:41pm - misc - by fakelaugher (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

#14260456
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (4905)

On 12/19/2010 at 1:51pm - love - by married and hates - United States

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

#14257746
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13060) - you deserved it (27663)

On 12/19/2010 at 5:28am - love - by lonelyengineer (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I fell over on the bus. X-Rays revealed not only that I have been growing extra bones in my foot, but that when I fell, I crushed all of them. Doctors don't know how to fix bones that aren't supposed to be there, so they're just going to cut them out. Two days before Christmas. FML

#14257367
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33896) - you deserved it (2295)

On 12/19/2010 at 4:17am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

#14256786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13844) - you deserved it (21597)

On 12/19/2010 at 2:46am - love - by lovecrisis247 - United States (Texas)



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

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