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Orchard

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Orchard
  • Town/Country : unknown, Unknown
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 3265
  • Number of comments : 192
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

#13841741
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49017) - you deserved it (2313)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28021) - you deserved it (2895)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

#13836684
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28882) - you deserved it (6683)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:31am - misc - by teach (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

#13835312
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23560) - you deserved it (2475)

On 11/14/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

#13825222
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27350) - you deserved it (4864)

On 11/13/2010 at 8:24am - love - by sadinmass (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

#13823567
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10851) - you deserved it (31133)

On 11/13/2010 at 2:21am - love - by looke27 - United States (California)

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet an online date. I couldn't spot him, so he eventually came up and introduced himself. It seems his on-line picture must have been taken before I was born. I spluttered "This isn't going to work," and promptly scuttled out. FML

#13812395
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (9672)

On 11/12/2010 at 6:06am - love - by sayno (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

#13808592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29910) - you deserved it (2945)

On 11/11/2010 at 10:55pm - misc - by Bob - United States (Texas)

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

#13805419
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31355) - you deserved it (3290)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML

#13799925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5851) - you deserved it (34599)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:34am - intimacy - by Caught (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at the Museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

#13799355
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8471) - you deserved it (36703)

On 11/11/2010 at 6:30am - intimacy - by latino (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

#13798665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54389) - you deserved it (3073) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

#13797443
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9556) - you deserved it (27398)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

#13797230
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18449) - you deserved it (3452)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by iharethissomuxh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

#13794199
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17300) - you deserved it (3726)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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