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Orchard

Offline (the 01/31/2016 at 10:37pm) | Search for a member

Orchard

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 24039
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>my_dog_is_better</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:10am<b>plebs_everywhere</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 12:15am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 12:39am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 8:22am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:05pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:58pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

#19688596
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9299) - you deserved it (35098)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by taylortotscx - United States (Florida)

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20532) - you deserved it (3090)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

#19673015
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20460) - you deserved it (3773)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:26pm - work - by thwack - United States

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22734) - you deserved it (8383)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

#19644277
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (6491)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm - health - by msassy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

#19644277
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (6491)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm - health - by msassy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

#19644277
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (6491)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm - health - by msassy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

#19644277
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29688) - you deserved it (6491)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm - health - by msassy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

#19640596
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31265) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:22am - animals - by nick - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

#19633356
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17382) - you deserved it (30603)

On 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm - health - by ...... (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

#19633207
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9583) - you deserved it (37850)

On 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52377) - you deserved it (4879)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42561) - you deserved it (4352) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

#19621592
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10960) - you deserved it (37599)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:22am - misc - by Anonymous - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9059) - you deserved it (44885)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)



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