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Orchard

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Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20814
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:43pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

#18660623
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (5608)

On 12/31/2011 at 2:24am - animals - by YOURMOM - United States (California)

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26067) - you deserved it (3099)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

#18626777
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44596) - you deserved it (2367)

On 12/27/2011 at 5:32pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12273) - you deserved it (30313)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

#18553148
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24511) - you deserved it (2925)

On 12/19/2011 at 1:01pm - misc - by This girl (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML

#18523510
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32495) - you deserved it (2138)

On 12/15/2011 at 10:16pm - misc - by metallicatime - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

#18517264
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27899) - you deserved it (2722)

On 12/15/2011 at 1:57am - work - by Username - United States (California)

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

#18516583
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (3041)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by rattlingfloorboards (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

#18466440
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34407) - you deserved it (3027)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8443) - you deserved it (74178)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

#18459479
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25883) - you deserved it (2484)

On 12/08/2011 at 9:48am - misc - by skidmark (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

#18447491
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30460) - you deserved it (3787)

On 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm - misc - by jackgrant (man) - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12766) - you deserved it (46882)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while placing her order. I work as a Drive-Thru cashier at McDonalds. FML

#18421974
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33756) - you deserved it (4961)

On 12/03/2011 at 8:29pm - love - by drummahboi99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

#18414489
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (3494)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by bad blood, no shit (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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