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Orchard

Offline (the 06/22/2015 at 9:13pm) | Search for a member

Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 19145
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:38am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 11:34pm<b>asmb100</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:10am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

#21322691
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29575) - you deserved it (2509)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

#21322290
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39418) - you deserved it (4375)

On 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm - love - by Soulara89 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

#21322225
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26443) - you deserved it (2391)

On 12/22/2014 at 6:15pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

#21321894
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33680) - you deserved it (6163)

On 12/22/2014 at 3:05am - love - by ScottyB - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML

#21319606
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32562) - you deserved it (3050)

On 12/18/2014 at 7:11am - misc - by subversivepanda (woman) - Guam

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35217) - you deserved it (6747)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31781) - you deserved it (3677)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

#21317152
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29698) - you deserved it (2233)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:56am - misc - by lopsided (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

#21317146
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17063) - you deserved it (26245)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

#21317143
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35625) - you deserved it (4343)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

#21317090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30330) - you deserved it (2777)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by konacoffee17 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

#21316987
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32798) - you deserved it (2537)

On 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by ashamed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

#21316775
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31985) - you deserved it (3102)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:36pm - misc - by ehxtraordinarily pissed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

#21316716
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34347) - you deserved it (2831)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML



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  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

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