Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Orchard

Offline (22 hours ago) | Search for a member

Orchard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 10079
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>sophielock</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 2:09am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:41pm<b>poncho55</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:47pm<b>LordGoober</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:37pm<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:02pm<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:59am<b>King_Skipper</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:46pm<b>maria95aa</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:56pm<b>FaultInMyStars</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 10:54pm<b>ThePieGuy0817</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:12am<b>CTPope74</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:07pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:09pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:22pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am

Orchard's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

#21247920
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (2243)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by abbshows (man) - United States

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45384) - you deserved it (2787)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38329) - you deserved it (2808)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

#21246563
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37530) - you deserved it (2858)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by leem (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33671) - you deserved it (5446)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50713) - you deserved it (9746)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36724) - you deserved it (13777)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of boredom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38482) - you deserved it (3064)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (45452)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31221) - you deserved it (13752)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37692) - you deserved it (6333)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35143) - you deserved it (10005)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

#21237096
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34276) - you deserved it (14046)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:46pm - health - by fatty (man) - United States (Wisconsin)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: