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Orchard

Offline (the 03/27/2015 at 2:16am) | Search for a member

Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 14637
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>billboob</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 12:42pm<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:38am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 11:34pm<b>asmb100</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:10am<b>Evilseed</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 3:50am<b>Furby94</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 4:02pm<b>Raptor73242</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 4:56pm<b>sophielock</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 2:09am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:41pm<b>poncho55</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 7:10pm<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:47pm<b>LordGoober</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:37pm<b>sisas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:02pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17051) - you deserved it (30774)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

#21293843
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33907) - you deserved it (3104)

On 11/07/2014 at 12:47am - health - by jj - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

#21292947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36486) - you deserved it (2409)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Purple (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34017) - you deserved it (12931)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

#21289001
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26501) - you deserved it (2646)

On 10/31/2014 at 10:27am - work - by hardwarekit (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

#21288944
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35011) - you deserved it (2740)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:31am - animals - by noxiffic (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

#21287120
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (2188)

On 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (11614)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49256) - you deserved it (3481)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

#21283844
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (2931)

On 10/23/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by Alexismaria - United States

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

#21283051
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33532) - you deserved it (4083)

On 10/22/2014 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30015) - you deserved it (4768)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37199) - you deserved it (11260)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36821) - you deserved it (2935)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30336) - you deserved it (4785)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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