Orchard

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Offline (the 05/05/2016 at 3:56am)

Orchard

6Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 25976
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Itineranthuman</b> - yesterday at 7:08am<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 6:01am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 10:46pm<b>StyrisSand</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 8:39pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 5:27pm<b>YourGrammarSucks</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 12:24pm<b>thecakeisalie13</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 7:06am<b>jwwood</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 12:19am<b>tyee47</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 10:22pm<b>zodiac74</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 11:28pm<b>DeadpoolBeast13</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 2:07pm<b>my_dog_is_better</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:10am<b>plebs_everywhere</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 12:15am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm

Fucked!<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 8:08pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 7:45am / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

by MiceMiles / 12/10/2015 at 7:34am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

by badbitch23 / 12/07/2015 at 6:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

by anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 8:28am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

by accidentalnorman / 12/07/2015 at 5:11am / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 8:07am / Intimacy

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

by yayibs / 12/03/2015 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

by nitemastr15 / 11/27/2015 at 7:18pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:28am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 8:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML