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Orchard

Offline (the 10/26/2014 at 6:13pm) | Search for a member

Orchard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8422
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - one hour ago<b>King_Skipper</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 11:46pm<b>maria95aa</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:56pm<b>FaultInMyStars</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 10:54pm<b>ThePieGuy0817</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:12am<b>CTPope74</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:07pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:09pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:22pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:46am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 1:24pm<b>solonglonesome</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:16pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:31am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>jrod9327</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:32pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33634) - you deserved it (5442)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50631) - you deserved it (9735)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (13760)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of bordom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

#21244154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38440) - you deserved it (3057)

On 08/24/2014 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24861) - you deserved it (45413)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31198) - you deserved it (13737)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37649) - you deserved it (6325)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35119) - you deserved it (9992)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

#21237096
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34242) - you deserved it (14034)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:46pm - health - by fatty (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (2572)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40553) - you deserved it (25550)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

#21233010
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37292) - you deserved it (2573)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by I already have one, thanks (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

#21232452
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36012) - you deserved it (5967)

On 08/08/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by freakedout (woman) - United States



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