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Offline (the 11/23/2015 at 10:27pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 22752
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>holymacabre</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am<b>heyitscoley</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 9:52pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:10pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am

Fucked!<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (8970)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:35am - work - by babbling idiot - Canada

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28362) - you deserved it (2650)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20541) - you deserved it (8779)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23183) - you deserved it (5875)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (6067)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25800) - you deserved it (2017)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (1756)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21091) - you deserved it (9933)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26936) - you deserved it (2023)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27953) - you deserved it (3000)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML


I agree, your life sucks (26160) - you deserved it (2685)

On 07/23/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Ma_Nikka (woman) - United States (California)

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10152) - you deserved it (35379)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24764) - you deserved it (1626)

On 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm - work - by geek (man) - United States (Washington)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

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