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Offline (the 06/26/2016 at 11:45pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 28985
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>jughead2994</b> - 20 hours ago<b>silvermoon5033</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 8:22am<b>tjw1616</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 12:17pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 11:32am<b>DBKT</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 5:27pm<b>billboob</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 8:27am<b>C00k13monster</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:30am<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 6:01am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 10:46pm<b>StyrisSand</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 8:39pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 5:27pm<b>YourGrammarSucks</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 12:24pm<b>thecakeisalie13</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 7:06am<b>jwwood</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 12:19am<b>tyee47</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 10:22pm<b>zodiac74</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 11:28pm<b>DeadpoolBeast13</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 2:07pm

Fucked!<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 8:08pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

by Pauline / 02/09/2016 at 4:35pm / United States / Kids

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

by Lord_Nick / 02/03/2016 at 10:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2016 at 10:06am / United States (California) / Work

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

by oliver / 01/27/2016 at 7:02am / United States / Health

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2016 at 9:21pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

by Kimel / 01/21/2016 at 7:11pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

by Shy_Shiloh / 01/21/2016 at 3:58am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2016 at 12:05am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

by enya / 01/18/2016 at 5:29pm / Luxembourg / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

by almostadult / 01/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, at work a customer yelled at me, called me a 'fucking bitch', 'a fat whore', and, told me to lose weight because I wouldn't let her in the grocery store I work at to buy lettuce, after we'd closed. Lettuce for her lizard. FML

by midnightblade163 / 01/13/2016 at 7:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work