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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6583
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Visits<b>CTPope74</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:07pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:09pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:22pm<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:46am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 1:24pm<b>solonglonesome</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:16pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:31am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>jrod9327</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:32pm<b>jazzmin1997</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:13pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Weemandarin</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 8:14pm<b>Black_Rose_14</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 10:31am<b>amberv61</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 3:35pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I went bowling with my girlfriend, her sister and her brother-in-law, and her niece. After 10 rounds, I came in last place. Her niece is 3 years old. She got twice as many points as me. FML

#21189057
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35906) - you deserved it (10768)

On 06/26/2014 at 10:58am - misc - by DF (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

#21185875
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51255) - you deserved it (4329)

On 06/23/2014 at 10:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42493) - you deserved it (4393)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39665) - you deserved it (4759)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

#21182483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43916) - you deserved it (13747)

On 06/20/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by misoranomegami (woman) - United States

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

#21182108
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41817) - you deserved it (4247)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm - health - by blackchin III (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41058) - you deserved it (22158)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49002) - you deserved it (13668)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

#21179613
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24870) - you deserved it (50368)

On 06/18/2014 at 5:06pm - misc - by shtidsfpa (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52335) - you deserved it (4606)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43653) - you deserved it (6283)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML

#21171341
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40619) - you deserved it (4419)

On 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

#21170120
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39997) - you deserved it (17450)

On 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm - animals - by imalosertho (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56331) - you deserved it (6795)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42599) - you deserved it (6211)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe



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