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Orchard

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Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20938
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>heyitscoley</b> - yesterday at 9:52pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:43pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

#21426359
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28151) - you deserved it (2571)

On 06/15/2015 at 7:57am - misc - by Gagging (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

#21425682
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35949) - you deserved it (6012)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - kids - by afather - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25206) - you deserved it (2440)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

#21424633
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27551) - you deserved it (1944)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31014) - you deserved it (2524)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

#21421148
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28181) - you deserved it (2002)

On 06/05/2015 at 8:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25520) - you deserved it (4677)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30847) - you deserved it (2699)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31066) - you deserved it (2439)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30691) - you deserved it (4288)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (9174)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

#21408187
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28257) - you deserved it (2146)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:23am - love - by CryoSpectre - United States (California)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29386) - you deserved it (3710)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

#21403264
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (2768)

On 05/02/2015 at 4:04am - work - by tumblrinas_at_work (woman) - United States (California)



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