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Orchard

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Orchard

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 24079
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>my_dog_is_better</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:10am<b>plebs_everywhere</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 12:15am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 12:39am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 8:22am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:05pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:58pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

#21499543
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18556) - you deserved it (2162)

On 12/03/2015 at 12:33am - love - by killmenow - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

#21497594
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21257) - you deserved it (13498)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:18pm - money - by nitemastr15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

#21497434
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19008) - you deserved it (3276)

On 11/27/2015 at 10:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

#21496646
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22966) - you deserved it (2259)

On 11/25/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

#21496603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23942) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2015 at 8:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

#21496072
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (1210)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:34pm - work - by Notakidpusher - United States (California)

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

#21496064
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22140) - you deserved it (2292)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm - kids - by sydcaller618 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

#21495924
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24332) - you deserved it (4186)

On 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hiitisbrooke - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

#21495829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24583) - you deserved it (5243)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Stuby14 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

#21494790
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28024) - you deserved it (2604)

On 11/20/2015 at 9:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

#21494198
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22187) - you deserved it (1535)

On 11/18/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Creepedout - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

#21493255
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25536) - you deserved it (3285)

On 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by weldingmachine217 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

#21491232
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23812) - you deserved it (2924)

On 11/11/2015 at 11:52am - health - by The horror... (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

#21489909
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20130) - you deserved it (2096)

On 11/08/2015 at 12:14pm - work - by Eternal_Babyface (man) - United States



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  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

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