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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5835
  • Number of comments : 193
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>k_gils</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:02pm<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:48am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:04pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 1:03am<b>Aero_x</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:46am<b>PAsurvivor</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 1:24pm<b>solonglonesome</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 9:16pm<b>swaggyswagswag</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:31am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:43am<b>jrod9327</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 9:32pm<b>jazzmin1997</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:13pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Weemandarin</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 8:14pm<b>Black_Rose_14</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 10:31am<b>amberv61</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 3:35pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 6:11pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 2:23am<b>Saava</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 4:08pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

#21170120
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39912) - you deserved it (17436)

On 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm - animals - by imalosertho (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56170) - you deserved it (6779)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42148) - you deserved it (6152)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

#21162641
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37293) - you deserved it (5682)

On 06/04/2014 at 9:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46778) - you deserved it (4937)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58800) - you deserved it (4554)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

#21154900
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43316) - you deserved it (16156)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm - misc - by chevygirl51 - United States

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47806) - you deserved it (5022)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML

#21152537
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50224) - you deserved it (4794)

On 05/26/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by megangubler - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

#21152412
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38655) - you deserved it (3534)

On 05/26/2014 at 4:28pm - misc - by dear god why (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (5288)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46095) - you deserved it (14338)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33896) - you deserved it (52981)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41859) - you deserved it (8928)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



FML's blog

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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

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