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Orchard

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Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20115
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:43pm<b>kerripjones</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 8:06pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML

#21429443
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25566) - you deserved it (1442)

On 06/21/2015 at 9:29am - misc - by cwell88 (man) -

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

#21429236
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26641) - you deserved it (3710)

On 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm - love - by hotheadslav - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

#21428622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27298) - you deserved it (3164)

On 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29695) - you deserved it (3697)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (8560)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23647) - you deserved it (11521)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

#21426359
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (2337)

On 06/15/2015 at 7:57am - misc - by Gagging (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

#21425682
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35903) - you deserved it (6008)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - kids - by afather - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (2440)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

#21424633
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (1766)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by what - United States (California)

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30222) - you deserved it (2232)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

#21421148
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28121) - you deserved it (1999)

On 06/05/2015 at 8:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24769) - you deserved it (4375)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30821) - you deserved it (2698)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States



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