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Orchard

Offline (the 01/31/2016 at 10:37pm) | Search for a member

Orchard

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 23893
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 12:39am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 8:22am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:05pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:58pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am<b>heyitscoley</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 9:52pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

#21511386
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20292) - you deserved it (3073)

On 01/04/2016 at 12:58pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States (California)

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

#21510516
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20420) - you deserved it (3462)

On 01/02/2016 at 3:25am - kids - by me - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

#21509780
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18700) - you deserved it (2244)

On 12/31/2015 at 2:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

#21509727
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22539) - you deserved it (3518)

On 12/31/2015 at 11:40am - love - by ScaredOfClowns (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I drove my friends two hours to see a tourist attraction I had been talking up for months. It burnt to the ground last week. FML

#21509674
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (2152)

On 12/31/2015 at 6:50am - misc - by DriveNowhere - Australia

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

#21509574
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18184) - you deserved it (1220)

On 12/30/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by just outdone - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

#21509296
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17967) - you deserved it (4543)

On 12/30/2015 at 4:07am - work - by good job brain - United States (California)

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

#21505182
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22188) - you deserved it (1917)

On 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

#21505056
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19496) - you deserved it (6711)

On 12/18/2015 at 3:33am - misc - by Zyopy (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

#21504328
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23753) - you deserved it (1877)

On 12/16/2015 at 4:10am - kids - by Teacher (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

#21503969
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23947) - you deserved it (1609)

On 12/15/2015 at 10:15am - health - by sparkus -

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25674) - you deserved it (5361)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

#21503222
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (1431)

On 12/13/2015 at 7:45am - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

#21502177
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (2320)

On 12/10/2015 at 7:34am - misc - by MiceMiles (woman) - United States (Washington)



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