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OptimusVader

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm) | Search for a member

OptimusVader

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3053
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>hardesty</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:29pm<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 10:13am<b>suckmideck</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 10:33am<b>Ashd09</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:53pm<b>dustydick</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Shiny_nickels</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:58pm<b>zenkuru</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 6:11pm<b>tampabayfan</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:12pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:02pm<b>omgpp</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:12am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:35pm<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:25pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:33am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 12:31pm<b>Adeptasaurus</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:42am<b>Lykaios_Avery</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:18am

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100 kick ass comments

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (6616)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49582) - you deserved it (10687)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

#20861368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46957) - you deserved it (3820)

On 08/31/2013 at 4:16am - misc - by nevercatchabreak - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

#20854246
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34317) - you deserved it (2841)

On 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm - animals - by KatVanGogh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

#20840053
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42390) - you deserved it (3274)

On 08/16/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by hipster glasses - United States

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54291) - you deserved it (6169)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

#20830944
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50888) - you deserved it (3400)

On 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm - kids - by rachel (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43969) - you deserved it (13913)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48020) - you deserved it (23103)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

#20823279
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46016) - you deserved it (8997)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:19am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61396) - you deserved it (9123)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60329) - you deserved it (8971)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56244) - you deserved it (9325)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, my fiancé confronted me about our wedding arrangements. Apparently, if he's not allowed to wear a duct-tape tuxedo and have a Jesus impersonator as his best man, the wedding is off. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52957) - you deserved it (9153)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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