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OptimusVader

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OptimusVader

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2052
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:25pm<b>battlehamster</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:33am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 12:31pm<b>Adeptasaurus</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:42am<b>Lykaios_Avery</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:18am<b>ceelos97</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:16am<b>ukeandfoodislife</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:15pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 1:47am<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 6:43pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 3:54pm<b>mahovalia</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 2:04pm<b>curticus</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 8:54pm<b>AlphaCodeBlack</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 10:35pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 12:58am<b>JD1147</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 7:22pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 4:26pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41834) - you deserved it (3824)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

#19459433
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (6388)

On 04/13/2012 at 12:46am - love - by jesifairy - Australia

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23082) - you deserved it (10294)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (3819)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

#19255616
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (2908)

On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (2438)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (2438)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

#18891781
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41073) - you deserved it (3369)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

#18685700
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (7093)

On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

#18451653
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12952) - you deserved it (41146)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9872) - you deserved it (67038)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML

#18283192
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39544) - you deserved it (5742)

On 11/18/2011 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

#18200720
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24874) - you deserved it (3546)

On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (7930)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

#18069219
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27482) - you deserved it (1863)

On 10/25/2011 at 12:30am - work - by fire1 (man) - United States (California)



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