OptimusVader

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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm)

OptimusVader

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6123
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>billboob</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 5:21pm<b>maxthebigseal</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 4:04pm<b>humorousname</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 8:00pm<b>bolee997</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 1:21am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 1:47pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:05pm<b>foampositedaddy</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:55pm<b>FreshDonuts</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:37am<b>jamaarlove</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 7:07pm<b>crazycatlady89</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 11:08pm<b>catlover5299</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:30pm<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:59pm<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>a816090</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:53pm<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 1:08am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 10:29pm

Fucked!<b>billboob</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:22pm<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 11:35pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:11pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 3:56pm

OptimusVader's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of OptimusVader's badges

OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

by anonymous / 07/18/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

by SwAGkiLlS / 07/15/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm / Greece (Attiki) / Intimacy

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

by jesifairy / 04/13/2012 at 12:46am / Australia / Love

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

by Tristan Brantley / 03/11/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy