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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5388
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>catlover5299</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:30pm<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:59pm<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>a816090</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:53pm<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 1:08am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 10:29pm<b>weedle99</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 9:11pm<b>kayposion</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 12:53am<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 5:35pm<b>niksatter96</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 12:38pm<b>aidenvladimir</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 5:23pm<b>MissKylie</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 3:04am<b>aidenmccarthy03</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 11:44pm<b>Ehpl</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 2:26am<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 5:11pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 2:23pm

Fucked!<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 11:35pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:11pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 3:56pm

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41836) - you deserved it (4598)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45416) - you deserved it (16816)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38067) - you deserved it (4169)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59134) - you deserved it (15363)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42174) - you deserved it (2575)

On 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by disgruntled stepdaughter - United States (Ohio)

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40355) - you deserved it (13583)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47620) - you deserved it (7163)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (48082)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML


I agree, your life sucks (33708) - you deserved it (3457)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML


I agree, your life sucks (66119) - you deserved it (5766)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39670) - you deserved it (11538)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59611) - you deserved it (4824) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27894) - you deserved it (46326)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

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  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

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