I'm your not-so-average crazy, obsessive fifteen year old with strange habits. :D I love meeting people, and I'm pretty easy to get along with no matter who you are. ;P I do have a VERY mature side as well, so don't be fooled by my insanity. (:
Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML
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On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
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On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 3:17pm - love - by smallmediumatlrg (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
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On 06/22/2009 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML
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On 06/16/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by JustAGiftCardPlease (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
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On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first random girl he saw. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Lexxi (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
