[fr]
[it]
[es2]
[tr]
[de]
[ru]
[se]

Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?
Email notification?

OmniscientCake

Search for a member

OmniscientCake
  • Town/Country : Cleveland, US
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 December 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 850
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About OmniscientCake : I like pie.

OmniscientCake's last visitors

so_meTorify

OmniscientCake's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

OmniscientCake's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on the AT&T cell phone stand. FML

#4203484 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (5837) - you deserved it (38248)

On 08/01/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

#4081903 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (33238) - you deserved it (6573)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

#3201910 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (8548)

On 06/25/2009 at 10:13am - work - by KN (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

#3063097 (274)

I agree, your life sucks (10711) - you deserved it (47129)

On 06/20/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

#3055802 (303)

I agree, your life sucks (15777) - you deserved it (36289)

On 06/20/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by DuckyKiller (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

#3030718 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (35975) - you deserved it (4293)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I used a porta-potty. After I came out, my mom came out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML

#2903638 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (11223) - you deserved it (40758)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (488)

I agree, your life sucks (24339) - you deserved it (224163)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

#2372867 (351)

I agree, your life sucks (26051) - you deserved it (41150)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (176) - you deserved it (18649)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (15666) - you deserved it (55756)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (245208) - you deserved it (32784)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (101255) - you deserved it (14012)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (72975) - you deserved it (12568)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

#721846 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (107210) - you deserved it (5602)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)