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Omfgitsmia

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Omfgitsmia
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1481
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Omfgitsmia's favorite FMLs

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183641) - you deserved it (27543)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
331 comments

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

#461201
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132182) - you deserved it (8038)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:40am - intimacy - by cmerr (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (617487) - you deserved it (414062)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14861) - you deserved it (175244)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40284) - you deserved it (132870)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40284) - you deserved it (132870)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (43047)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16198) - you deserved it (43047)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

#3922
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23928) - you deserved it (2522)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:37am - work - by RogerReady - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

#2596
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (4081)

On 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by Michelle C - United States (California)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51499) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51499) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

#504
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17098) - you deserved it (5091)

On 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm - misc - by Peel - Sent from mobile version



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