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Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4977) - you totally deserved it (52429)
On 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Bee (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30900) - you totally deserved it (7069)
On 08/31/2009 at 9:54am - love - by crawfo (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34815) - you totally deserved it (3582)
On 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by offendedfemme (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14551) - you totally deserved it (42634)
On 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Morrowindwhore (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls", his response, "We don't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9805) - you totally deserved it (48013)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, at work I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6781) - you totally deserved it (29267)
On 07/31/2009 at 1:25am - work - by pisspantsjob (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidently dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4184) - you totally deserved it (45388) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by FGum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29906) - you totally deserved it (4144)
On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38350) - you totally deserved it (5392)
On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7112) - you totally deserved it (32676)
On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53645) - you totally deserved it (8988)
On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7482) - you totally deserved it (41373)
On 07/07/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States
Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6499) - you totally deserved it (92364)
On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4429) - you totally deserved it (70223)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62422) - you totally deserved it (4231)
On 06/26/2009 at 10:31am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
