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Oihana's FML badges
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Oihana's favorite FMLs
by not saying it was whores, but... / 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
by fucksake / 10/05/2014 at 11:55am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:28am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm / United States / Love
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
by makeyourselfathome / 09/17/2014 at 8:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Animals
by ElementaryEdGuy / 09/11/2014 at 11:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML
by lolwut / 09/11/2014 at 2:33am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
by notmyrealname123 / 08/24/2014 at 8:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…